I had to watch.

And, not surprisingly, the show did not disappoint.

Let's start with Fashion.
There were lots of goofy outfits that "real folks" would never wear in public. Outfits bearing all - specifically, but not limited to - TITS. Nipples. Whatever you want to call them. After all, it wouldn't be an MTV production without some good 'ol fashioned "Tits and Ass," would it?

I don't really know who it was that wore the Best Tits and Ass Outfit, but it was brown, sheer and had little glittery things all over it. Lil' Kim, of course wore her obligatory Tits and Ass Outfit as well, however, it was more like a bikini of sorts and not very attractive. Also, it seems as though she's gotten what I (and many others) like to call an Emergency Boob Job after having her breast jiggled about last year by the Diva Herself, Diana Ross. (And why is it ok for Diana to fondle Lil' Kim's breasts? Hadn't she just months before filed a lawsuit against an airport employee claiming that while walking through security she was improperly fondled?) I guess the "jiggling" was the problem, because now they are much larger and, shall we say, more firmly in place. You couldn't miss them even if you wanted to as they were adorned with nothing other than her trademark nipple coverings in the form of some sort of flower.

And I did. Want to miss them, that is.

Moving on, Cameron Diaz was in a class by herself. She looked like she'd just woken up a few hours before and threw on whatever was in her old box of 70's clothes rejects. Her hair was a mess - which I think is actually the "new hair thing of the moment," because the other day on General Hospital, one of the characters was wearing her hair in the same "falling out of it's bun" way to her prom. Being as Soap Characters usually dress UP for their Soap Proms, I figured this must be the new thing in hair - looking like you just had your hair done in a bun of some kind, but fell asleep and rolled around all over it causing lots of starggly pieces to fall out.

This is how Cameron looked.

I mean, we all know the MTV Movie Awards are nothing to be excited about. Celebrities pretend the awards matter to them because "the fans" voted, but we all know "it's no Oscar." Celebs are simply there because they don't want to piss off MTV. MTV is such a promotion vehicle that if it chooses to ignore anyone in particular, it actually has a negative effect. So, much to each celebrity's chagrin, they must participate or suffer the wrath of anonymity amongst a very specific fan/audience base.

Sad, but true.

Given that fact, the MTV Awards are treated as more of a casual "fun" thing among celebrities where they get to go have their picture taken, mingle with their peers and see what funky cool outfits they can pull together for each other's amusement. Oh, yeah, and they also may be fortunate enough to get an award shaped like a popcorn bucket for which they must put on a fairly serious face while thanking their fans. (Julia Roberts actually pointed out in her video/satellite thank you speech that her popcorn bucket award was broken. This was after having delivered the most unemotional speech ever for winning best something or other for her role in Erin Brokovich - especially if you compare it to her OVERLY emotional speech after winning an Oscar for the same role, thereby proving my previous point that no one really gives a shit about the MTV Movie Awards). They struggle through muddled laughter and apparent disdain to convey that the fans are, in fact, the most important thing, because without them "they wouldn't be here." Meanwhile, you know they don't give a rat's ass about the fans. Fans are fickle and will flock to anything that's been promoted enough and given the right spin. Celebrities "get" that this gold plated popcorn bucket is simply a reward for being the most popular and not necessarily the most talented.

So, instead of wearing their Celebrity Sunday Best, they treat this as more of a "club event." A Rock Star fashion Show. An elaborate party where they get to wear stuff you can only wear to an event of this nature. But, typically, the aim is to look casual AND fashionable. Not dumpy, sleepy, and stoned.

Cameron Diaz was SO wacked out she even brought her own water bottle as if she were about to sit down at The Fenway to watch the Red Sox play. Basically, she took the whole "casual" thing a bit too far, to the point of it being an almost open "Fuck You" to MTV - which, if that was her intent is actually kind of a cool thing.

There were other Fashion Oddities/Atrocities, but these were the ones which stood out for me. I'm sure upon further viewings - of which there will be many, since MTV re-runs this annoying show hundreds of time throughout the Summer - I'll have more judgemental opinions to pass along.

Next: Most annyoing couples/presenters. Stay tuned..... mudpup : 1:26 PM | link